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  • christian baez

nightcap

You never admitted it, but I know you wished I was naive then. I could see how my talk about wanting to pursue something different- something I recklessly knew would haunt you, made you wish we could go back in time. A time where I, though I don’t have much recollection of, would rely on you for the most modest of things… A time where you fed me with entertainment and framed an illusion of happiness and constant laughter… I… I remember vividly those car rides to the bookstore and you would take full control of the stereo, quizzing me on the latest tunes and practically forcing me to sing with you. I did. I always did… And I see now how much you had to give up… chose, to give up for me. I can tell you now that while I may never know how you created such a world for me despite your inner demons… for me, for me that world was real. And it’s no secret I felt that world shatter the morning you left. It’s no secret I cursed every wind and sometimes went to bed wondering if you had really loved me… It’s no secret that, whatever you had to go through from the second you unwrapped your arms around my shaking body to save yourself from showing a tear up until now, I am proud of you. And believe me, if we could both be as naive as we were then… I would gratefully buckle up and try and hold a note alongside yours again.

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