• christian baez

learn to live without

There were no cuddles. There was no kissing . There were no sprinkles or dessert. Just your tired face after a long day’s work and my childlike enthusiasm for seeing you come home. Your home, the same place we shared a something for a while but now looked and felt so different... A stiffness in the air that I am sure had a lot to do with my being in that room with you. It’s not that I didn’t feel welcomed- you have always made me feel the most comfortable even when I deserved… It was like walking on eggshells, I won’t lie to you. Isn’t it funny how one person you once knew their body language so strongly to, then after some time apart you tragically realize you wouldn’t be able to point them out even if they were right in front of you… You made your way around following what I quickly picked up was your new routine as a bachelor in your again exposed bachelor pad. And after a couple of hours you decided to get some sleep. Keeping a tender distance between your heavy breathing and my thoughts for some sort of intimacy, I sung blessings over you, over your dreams and nightmares and scars and your affinity for disco... And I woke with a start. In my own room. With the pillow I hold at night on the opposite side of me.

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