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  • christian baez

absolution

No! No, no, no- don’t get up just yet. I don’t want to embarrass myself by begging, but I do ask for a moment here… I too was someone’s someone once, you know… I too had someone to watch over my heart once. I too had someone with whom my Saturdays became a something with- French pressed coffee with a dab of cinnamon in the mornings, afternoon naps after homemade chocolate chip pancakes, an offbeat dance to Grace Jones in our very small living room as I watched the sun set on my someone’s face… Yes, I may not have been the best person for that someone, but I do know how to commit. I do know how to love. I do know how that verb can change a person. I’ve seen how it can dismantle away doubts built by an ugly past and fuck up the way you breathe for the rest of your life. You reaffirm me of this when we bring that verb to life, love, but I feel the betrayal that follows after- when you wrap your tired arms around my heated body and feel your heart hiding with your past... It runs to that place that led you to the shattered state you are in, and prevents you from breathing in what’s here now. To what we may have right now. Babe, I know you’re hurting. I know it can hurt to breathe in the possibility of a fresh tomorrow. Handsome, can you try and imagine a place for us? Can you find it in your heart that maybe there could be something good for us here- something to watch over us. Can you try and… Can you… Could you… could you hand me my briefs…

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